I like this cartoon for what the description said.......CHICKEN DISAPPOINTED BY EMPTY NEST. I had a feeling I was getting my period soon and I had to work that night. The last thing I wanted was to find out at work, so I took a pregnancy test on Thursday morning. It was negative. I am glad I did because in the wee morning hours of work, Aunt flow came and there is no way I could deal with that news at work. I wish I could say I took it like a champ, I picked myself up and carried on with my day. No, I cried, and cried and cried. That type of cry where you can barely breath, snot running down your nose and unable to even console yourself.

We will try invitro in November, and although the percentages of people getting pregnant from it are good, my mind has been going. What if we spend all this money and it doesn't work? What if I get pregnant only to miscarry? All of these questions can't be answered, only predicted. I have decided to stop reading success stories of people that have IVF. They are wonderful to hear, but some of these people have tried IVF 3 or more times and frankly, we just don't have the money for that. I am really going to start trying to live my life based on FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE. Have faith and hope everyday that someday I will be a mommy, faith that God will pull me through and give me strength for all of this, and Love with my whole heart my husband, family, and friends. I can't imagine life without being a mom, but I may have to start accepting that reality sooner than later.

I am probably not going to be blogging for awhile since not a whole lot will be happening in the next few months. I have a few test that need to be run before November to get me ready for IVF, but until the end of October I will be on birth control to calm my ovaries and get them ready for the assault they will be under with all the reproductive medications. I will start the medications at the end of October and from there we go with how they eggs are growing. Of course when that process starts I will start blogging more. If I do get pregnant, I want my little one to know how much they were wanted and how loved they were even before they were born!

I have quite a few friends who are still tyring to get pregnant and I am going to be rooting them on every step of the way! My other friend is due to have number 2 in September. Her first will be 14 months old so I will hopefully be over there helping her out and playing with those sweet little girls!

Hope

I have meant to write a blog after my Ultrasound and then after my IUI. I was just not feeling it. I have come to realize that it doesn't matter how many follicles or their size can really predict when you get pregnant. I have had the "ideal" size and number before but it didn't happen. So, who knows......

Here's hoping this:

happened on my last treatment and will lead to this:

I am going to be honest, I am really happy for IUI to finally be done!!! Although I still have to wait about 2 more weeks to see if it worked, I am glad we are done. I never imagined how stressful they could be! I would say mostly stressful because of the roller coaster of emotions. Getting you period.....sadness, hurt, fear - lasts a day or two, then turns into excitement to try again. Then you start to get hopeful while taking your drugs and waiting for the ultrasound. Every time I have responded and have gotten very hopeful. The wait is excruciating....you analyze ever symptom, twing/twant inside your body. Well, I am on the home stretch! If this doesn't work, we will go ahead with invitro in November and hope with all of our hearts it works!