11 Months

 My beautiful baby girls is 11 months! Actually, since this post is again late, she is only two weeks way from being ONE. How is that even possible? My mom said something to me the other day and it was so true. My grandma keeps saying "I just can't believe it has been a year." My mom responded to her " it has gone fast, but in some ways it seems like she has always been here." It is very true. I look at pictures of her as a newborn and barely recognize her. I see pictures of her at 4 months old and am so amazing at how much she has changed. But in a lot of ways, it is hard to imagine life before her. Maybe it is because we waited so long for her. Or maybe it is because she just "fits." You just want help but love her. I am sure Brian and both our parents can agree, they knew that they would love her and be amazed by her, but they never thought they would love her  THIS much! 

   Little missy is trying really hard to walk these days. She can walk pretty well with just one hand for support, but the moment you let her go she falls. She can't even stand without support. She has taking a liking to walking along furniture and she is pretty good at it. It is fun to watch her get more confidence and try riskier things. She won't walk alone, but will reach for you and just kind of go before you are even ready sometimes. 

   Since summer has finally decided to show up, we have been spending a TON of time at the beach. Basically, everyday it is sunny, we are at the beach. She loves the water! She goes right in without a problem. I usually carry her and walk out a in the deep end and we both splash! She also really enjoys the splash pad. The problem with the splash pad is the water is ICE cold and since she can't walk along both her and mom get wet. I can only tolerate so much cold water before I am back to the beach. 

 Speaking of beach, my family rented a cabin at this place we went to as kids called EDGEWILD resort. It is about 30 minutes north of Brained in Fifty Lakes, MN. I knew she probably couldn't last the whole week, Brian could not get off work, and I had some birthday parties to plan. So the original plan was to head up there from Saturday to Tuesday. We loaded all our shit (it was amazing the amount of stuff we brought) into two cars along with a baby and a dog and made the 3 hour trek up north. It was an EPIC FAIL! She did okay on the car ride. We tried to go around nap time and my mom kindly road with me to keep her entertained. We arrived about 4:30pm and got situated. The plan was to have her sleep in the pack and play.  That is where the epic fail came into place. I will be the first to admit that our baby is spoiled. She doesn't go to daycare and doesn't spend too much time at our parents house. She slept in our arms until 6 months of age and now sleeps almost exclusively in her crib. At times at our parent's houses she will sleep in her pack and play but it is only for naps. We put her down at her normal bedtime and although it took her a little longer to fall asleep, she seemed to be doing okay. Come 12:30-1am and she is wide awake. She has not woken up in the middle of the night for about 3 months now. Not only was she awake, she was awake for 2 hours! When she did finally go back to sleep, she was really restless. She is at a tough age where she wants to be on the move. We can't just put a blanket down and get her to stay. Add that to a smaller cabin, 5 adults, and 2 dogs....it was just a little too much. I felt really bad as I was really looking forward to spending time with my family and I know they were looking forward to spending time with us. I am hoping next year she will be at a better age and we can stay for more than 16 hours or so! 

The spoiled baby in her crib!

   A week or so ago we took Paityn to the Como Zoo. They have really made the place nice! It is a perfect size for really little kids. She loved it and we had a great day! 

The Big Hairy Question

  Now that Paityn is 10 months old, I often get the question, "will you have more." My response is often, "If it happens it happens, but I doubt it." Now this little precious girls was worth every ounce of pain, every tear. She is our world, our joy, and being her parents is the most amazing thing. Would I love to have more? Yes, is it likely, no and let me tell you why. 

  When people do IVF, the average egg retrieval is 8-15 eggs. I had 10, which is a good number. However, my problem arose with the fertilization. As far as all the test are concerned, I am "normal" and so is Brian. Therefore our fertility is considered "unexplained." However, when we had our IVF only 2 egg of the 10 fertilized and only one of those eggs started to grow. With most people who do IVF," On average, about 70% of mature eggs will be fertilized by "normal" sperm." That certainly didn't happen with us. Also, most infertility clinics like to do a 5 day transfer to find the "best" embryos. For us, we did a 2 day transfer. There reasoning, since we won't be picking the best (because there was only one), the best place for the embryo is the mom. 

  The chance of us conceiving on our own, although not impossible, is VERY not likely. Once I explain all of this, I often get asked, "would you do IVF again or adopt?" Although I would love to say adoption is on the radar for us, it is not. It is expensive, and often disappointing. My heart is not in it and I just couldn't go through all that. Brian is not into doing IVF again. He says Paityn was worth every penny, but now that we have one, it is just too expensive to do it again. I do agree with him. Although, I have often said if he was game for it, I would do it again in a second...and then I start thinking. 

   I would go through all the drugs, procedure, and pregnancy again in a heartbeat. The problem arises when I start to think about Paityn. I feel like there had to be a reason she was the only one - she is truly a miracle. With having only one embryo we didn't have to worry about freezing the extra embryos. We didn't have to worry about what we would do if there were extras and paying for the storage. If we did IVF again, although we got pregnant on the first try, we would do the 3 try insurance try again. The reasoning, if we were to get pregnant and miscarry, all that money (about $16,000) would just be lost.  Would I love Paityn to have a sibling? Yes, I think she would love it, but I know if she does not we can give her a happy life.

  Paityn is a beautiful, wonderful daughter and I do feel complete with her in our life. I am thankful I was able to carry her, I am thankful I get to be her mother, and I am thankful she makes our family complete. Instead of spending money always wanting more, we are going to love and cherish the heck out of our little miracle. We will spend money that would otherwise be used on another child,  toward fun family vacations, education, sports, and many other things she may need or want. Will she be spoiled? Probably (but I am adamant she will not be spoiled rotten), but most of all she will get all our love. 

  We are so thankful for this beautiful little girl. I don't think she will ever know how much she is loved.