The Big Hairy Question

  Now that Paityn is 10 months old, I often get the question, "will you have more." My response is often, "If it happens it happens, but I doubt it." Now this little precious girls was worth every ounce of pain, every tear. She is our world, our joy, and being her parents is the most amazing thing. Would I love to have more? Yes, is it likely, no and let me tell you why. 

  When people do IVF, the average egg retrieval is 8-15 eggs. I had 10, which is a good number. However, my problem arose with the fertilization. As far as all the test are concerned, I am "normal" and so is Brian. Therefore our fertility is considered "unexplained." However, when we had our IVF only 2 egg of the 10 fertilized and only one of those eggs started to grow. With most people who do IVF," On average, about 70% of mature eggs will be fertilized by "normal" sperm." That certainly didn't happen with us. Also, most infertility clinics like to do a 5 day transfer to find the "best" embryos. For us, we did a 2 day transfer. There reasoning, since we won't be picking the best (because there was only one), the best place for the embryo is the mom. 

  The chance of us conceiving on our own, although not impossible, is VERY not likely. Once I explain all of this, I often get asked, "would you do IVF again or adopt?" Although I would love to say adoption is on the radar for us, it is not. It is expensive, and often disappointing. My heart is not in it and I just couldn't go through all that. Brian is not into doing IVF again. He says Paityn was worth every penny, but now that we have one, it is just too expensive to do it again. I do agree with him. Although, I have often said if he was game for it, I would do it again in a second...and then I start thinking. 

   I would go through all the drugs, procedure, and pregnancy again in a heartbeat. The problem arises when I start to think about Paityn. I feel like there had to be a reason she was the only one - she is truly a miracle. With having only one embryo we didn't have to worry about freezing the extra embryos. We didn't have to worry about what we would do if there were extras and paying for the storage. If we did IVF again, although we got pregnant on the first try, we would do the 3 try insurance try again. The reasoning, if we were to get pregnant and miscarry, all that money (about $16,000) would just be lost.  Would I love Paityn to have a sibling? Yes, I think she would love it, but I know if she does not we can give her a happy life.

  Paityn is a beautiful, wonderful daughter and I do feel complete with her in our life. I am thankful I was able to carry her, I am thankful I get to be her mother, and I am thankful she makes our family complete. Instead of spending money always wanting more, we are going to love and cherish the heck out of our little miracle. We will spend money that would otherwise be used on another child,  toward fun family vacations, education, sports, and many other things she may need or want. Will she be spoiled? Probably (but I am adamant she will not be spoiled rotten), but most of all she will get all our love. 

  We are so thankful for this beautiful little girl. I don't think she will ever know how much she is loved.