Has it been that long?

Paityns 1st Halloween

I can't believe my last post was her 3 month post. Has it been that long? In 8 days, Paityn is already going to be 4 months! I have been super busy since going back to work. Although I only work 5 shifts in 2 weeks, those days that I am gone are so long. I feel like I have so much catching up to do with seeing Paityn, Brian, and doing the house work. I think the hardest is when I work the 5 shifts in one week. I did that for the first time starting Halloween weekend I know I was really stressed and on edge. I think the day that really got to me was Halloween. Brian was going to be home late from work and I had to leave for work, so my in-laws were to come over in the interim. Brian did get home in time, but right as he was getting home, my in-laws came over. I didn't get a chance to really talk to Brian before I had to leave. My mother-in-law came right in and started picking up my house. She had also brought candy over since she was not going to be handing it out at her house. I started to become very depressed. I told my husband, I almost feel lost. I know Paityn is very loved and that is a blessing. Both grandmothers know how to take care of her exceptionally well, but it makes me feel like, what does she need me for? I am the mom and on Halloween it is my in-laws that are going to be dressing her up, taking pictures by the pumpkins, and handing out candy. I wanted to be there, I wanted to do that! I know this feeling is irrational, and I know I need to "get over it," but I truly want to cherish every moment with her. Brian says I need to stop focusing on how hard it was to get pregnant and focus on Paityn here and now. I know that is true, but it is so hard. I am so glad I ran across this blog a few months ago (I have mentioned it before, it is called Teach Me How to Braid). The most recent blog post (no whining) by Emily came at the perfect time - you can read it here - she talks about why us infertility moms are so hard on ourselves and that we need to realize that although we want to be, we can't be perfect. I need to let go of some control and just be thankful! The problem is that I love my family so much and just want to soak up every minute together - no amount of time could ever be enough!
   Although I didn't get to celebrate Halloween with my family, we did have a little fun at work and I did get some pictures of my little girl. I was able to borrow my friend, Maija's daughter's costume. It worked perfect! I have some more pictures on my camera, but here are some ones I had taken with my phone.

Our Mustaches!

Brian and my creations!



The shirt says "Daddy is under my spell"



 

  Paityn has been been really grabbing at things lately. She is just now starting to grab at a toy and bring it to her mouth. She does really like chewing on her "Sophie." Her favorite spot is still in her gym. I have attached to the toys some rings with teethers at the base. She loves to grab for the rings and chew on them! She still sucks on her pacifier and fists. She has not quite yet found her feet, but she loves to kick. Brian and I really had fun with her tonight. We gave Paityn a bath and took out the newborn insert in the baby tub. She is now sitting lower and can splash the water with her feet. Brian was cleaning the hairdryer and had removed the back part that collects dust. Brian started to blow the dust out and Paityn just started to laugh. We have heard little giggles, but never a real laugh from her. We both looked at each other and he did it again. She continued to laugh at him doing this for about 3-4 minutes. It was so much fun to see her smile and laugh out loud! It came as such a shock! Who would have thought that would make her laugh!! We should have grabbed the video camera. Hopefully we can get her to do it again and get it on tape!



  My friend, Erika, who is currently undergoing her infertility treatments will find out on Friday if the latest round of IUI worked for her. I pray for it to be successful and for continued strength as she continues this journey (I hope she has good news to share). I found this picture on facebook and immediately thought of her. I think it is so beautiful.

 



I think this is important for EVERYONE to remember.



   I know it is really hard for her as her two best friends now have kids. Not only is she going through infertility, but her friends are a lot busier and not around as much. I feel so bad! I want to talk to her more, to see her more, but things are just so crazy. I hope she knows how much I value our friendship and think of her often. I know the older Paityn gets the easier it will be to get together and I know she understand that too. I feel so blessed to have have such amazing friends! And a special Congrats to my friend Steph who got married this Saturday. I was so honored to be her personal attendant for her wedding! I am glad she has found true happiness!