So, the whole picture did not come through, but it is an olive in a martini glass and I guess that is kind of the way I felt last Wednesday. No news is not always good news. I have been putting off writing this post, mostly because I have nothing positive to say.
I got my period on Wednesday of last week. I don't know what it was, but I think it hit me there that things were really not looking good. I have tried for so long to stay positive and keep hope, but that day I faltered. I cried and cried and cried. To make matters worse, I DO have a cyst on my right ovary which requires birth control this month - which rules out September invitro. Brian and I made the decision to go for the last round of IUI. Not because we think it is going to work, but because we feel that we should do everything that insurance will pay for - to say we tried everything and it failed.
As of now the plan is for invitro in November. I am scared, it is a lot of money. I am scared it won't work, what if I miscarry? We are trying to decide if we should spend the extra money and pay for the 3 guaranteed rounds. He said it was a waste, that I was healthy and the chances were so good, but he can't tell me I will miscarry - who knows. All questions I have to ask him in our consult before invitro.
As I sit here and write this I wonder if I should just let it go. Be happy with what I have and just be okay with that. A deer hit my car yesterday - it came out of nowhere on a freeway none the less. It just barely clipped my bumper, but had me thinking, I could have died if was a few seconds faster. The speed limit is 65 which leaves little time for reaction, not to mention there are off ramps, and on ramps all around. Was that trying to tell me to just be happy with my life that I am alive? Don't get me wrong, if I can't have kids, I will be happy with my life, I am happy with my life - I don't need children to make me happy, I just really want them. Okay, sorry for the rant. This is why I have been putting it off. I am so happy it is summer and I can just enjoy every day!
Love the picture at the top! Dont love why you had to post it though.. bummer Jackie. I bet God will show you the correct path and you will know what to do in regards to the attempts.. Prayers your way!
ReplyDeleteScary about the deer.. glad you are A OK. And your positive attitude came back out in that last paragraph. You are such a strong person for going through what you have.. :)
love you!!!!