There have been quite a few people I have known that have had breastfeeding issues whether that be inadequate milk supply, latching, etc. I have no idea just how HARD breastfeeding is! I never took a breastfeeding class because I thought how can they actually teach you without having a baby there? In hindsight, I wish I would have read up more about breastfeeding or have taken a class because I was not at all prepared. I knew a person's milk did not come in for several days, but I was not prepared to wait four days.
Just minutes after Paityn was born she breastfed. The first 24 hours of a baby's life they are very sleepy. So sleepy in fact, that often times you have to undress them and get them cold in order to wake them up to eat. The first day I had no trouble breastfeeding. Paityn was making plenty dirty and wet diapers to ensure that she was getting plenty of nutrition. Every nurse that had seen her stated she had a good latch. It wasn't until Saturday that there started to be problems. Although Paityn was latching good, breastfeeding really hurt me. No big deal, but everyone you talk to says it shouldn't hurt or you are doing it wrong. Also, the nurses said that the baby should nurse about 20 minutes on each side. Every time I would take her off, she would start to scream and act hungry. I had an agency nurse (that is a nurse who usually doesn't work at the hospital) and she was not aware of the resources so I was not set up with a lactation consultant. The nurse was able to find one, but she was really busy and was only able to talk to me for about 10 minutes. The lactation nurse was convinced that my milk was in and I just needed to keep Paityn at the breast. After about 2 hours of continuous nursing and falling asleep, Paityn was still screaming. Luckily the pediatrician came in and said I was reading her cues right, she was still hungry. With that, we started to both breastfeed and supplement with formula. I was sent home from the hospital stressed, crying, and unsure.
That night and the next day were no better. I did not get ANY sleep because a breastfeeding baby should eat every 1.5-3hrs with the time starting at the beginning of feedings. So if I start and it takes 20 minutes on each side plus burping and rocking you are saying an hour. That left me with a half an hour to sleep before I had to potentially start all over again. In addition, my nipples were cracked and extremely sore.
Sunday we called the on-call pediatrician to see if I could take a "break" from one feeding and just formula feed. She stated that I could not and to keep on having her suck because that is what would bring the milk in. I was stressed, tired, and sad that Paityn was not getting enough to eat. Maija did come over that evening and brought me a manual breast pump and even that hurt to use. My worse feeling was that I was starving Paityn as my milk STILL hadn't come in.
By Monday evening my milk finally came in, but by that time I was on the verge of hysterical, stressed and completely exhausted. We were still both breast and formula feeding and I needed a break. I was toying with just formula feeding, but had such guilt that I was a bad mother. In addition, I am always the person that when things get tough, I want to prove you wrong and do it. I felt like I was giving up and felt guilty for not being stronger. In addition to total exhaustion, baby blues had kicked in (that is another post in itself). Thanks to some wise advice from some mothers, they told me to do whatever I needed to keep me sane. As much as I wanted to breastfeed, it was totally stressing me out. I also started thinking, realistically would I go through all of this and even be able to pump at work? I work on a crazy unit and getting away to pump would be next to impossible (I am still amazed at how some nurses are able to do it.) Brian was so kind and took the pressure off me. He said, "I am making the decision and the decision is to bottle feed." With that, Monday evening was my last time breastfeeding and we switched to straight formula feeding.
I still feel guilty from time to time about not breastfeeding. I could have pumped, but again, was just too stressed. I know plenty people bottlefeed and their children are just fine. I do feel I was able to bond with Paityn and still am bonding while bottlefeeding. I am able to get some help from other family members and I know they actually enjoy getting the opportunity to feed her. I wish I would have read up more about breastfeeding than just assuming I could do it and I wish I would have known how HARD it truly is. I am in awe of those who are able to breastfeed! In the end, Paityn is gaining weight well (if you can't tell by her chubby cheeks) and the doctors say she is healthy, which is the most important thing!!!
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