Ugh, the day is here

How can I leave that face?? :(

    If you have read any of my blog, you know that I have been dreading the day I go back to work. Tomorrow at this time I will be back at good old North Memorial. I am know I am lucky to have a job that allows me to not work everyday. I know, as a nurse, in the long run I will have a lot more time with Paityn. The thing that is the hardest for me is that I work 12.5 hr shifts which means I will be gone for about 14 hrs total and when I do shifts, I often do them back to back. I will have gone from seeing my sweet little girl all the time to when I am working, only a few hours a day for up to 3 days in a row. That transition is going to be very hard for me. I NEVER thought I would want to be a stay at home mom, but now I am thinking staying home until she goes to school would have been really nice! I have had one meltdown and cried several times. I know tomorrow is going to be hard, but I will get through it. I had a nice lunch with my friends today and they were very kind, caring, and understanding which was really nice. I also know she will be in good hands. My mom is going to be watching her and loves her to death, I just want to be the one there!

    I am not only sad about leaving Paityn, but I am nervous to go back to work for other reasons. Nursing is very much a skill and working in the trauma neuro intensive care, it is very intense and you have to be on top of things at all times. I have not practiced these skills in about 14 weeks, I will be rusty. It is going to take awhile to get back into the swing of things and sometimes, that time is just not available. The other part I know is going to be hard, and I know this is harsh, but sometimes being a nurse is not so rewarding. People don't appreciate the work you do, they yell at you, etc. I am going to have a VERY hard time being kind and compassionate to these ungrateful people especially when I know I could be home and happy with my beautiful family! Oh well, it is just 12 hours and I know I come home to something much better!

  Brian has not had a lot of alone time with Paityn and he has not gotten up in the middle of the night with her (by my choice). I know and feel confident that he is capable with his daughter, but I know it will be a hard transition for him too. Good thing I don't work every night! A lot of people have asked me if now that I have a daughter if I will stay on nights. I do nights for many reasons: there is a lot less drama at work with families, bosses, doctors, and staff, we get free parking at night, our shift differential is $4/hr more, we get a bonus of 32 free hours every year, and I can work less. I figure, if I can work less and make the same amount of money, why not - plus I can do it. Some people just can't physically do night shift. Straight days are not an option so I if I rotated I would have to do do about 40% nights without all the added bonuses.

  This past weekend we went to Brian's cousin Chris' wedding. Chris is such a sweetheart and has a daughter of his own who is 3. Chris has always kind of been a ladies man, but he met a wonderful girl Gina and they are so great together. They really make a beautiful couple and it was an amazing wedding. The wedding was held in Duluth so we took a little road trip up there. We made it a day trip since we did not have anyone to watch Zoe. She only fussed for about 15-20 minutes on the way up there and we did have to stop once on the way home, but overall did very well on the car ride. Chris had not met Paityn yet and it was so sweet, when they were saying "hello" he gave her a kiss. Brian and Chris were talking, and always the jokester that Chris is he says" you love them, but don't you wish you could just pick them up from the factory at (age) 3?" The wedding was so fun and it was great to see his whole family (it doesn't happen nearly enough). I wish we could have stayed longer. Here are a few pictures from the wedding:

Chris and Gina's first dance...she looked AMAZING!



The Hime family :)



Uncle Ron holding Paityn,,,I wish she wasn't blurry :(







Clearly someone was all partied out!



  The other day I went for a run. Brian has always loved to cuddle (not me so much which is weird), but his favorite thing to do is cuddle Paityn. He had put some daddy songs on (when I left it was 'My Little Girl' by Tim McGraw and when I returned home it was 'Butterfly Kisses') and was slow dancing with her and crying (well not the whole time, but there were tears when I left). That little girls is just wrapped around his little finger, well both of ours actually. I asked him if he thought he would love a little boy as much and he said "probably not." I can't believe the love that she was brought us!